Growing Up and Out

399139_10151067687835433_817371019_nIn my some 21 years of existence, I have come to realize one thing, change is inevitable, and no matter how one tries to avoid it change will always be around the corner. I am one of many who have grown accustomed to the daily routine of waking up, getting dressed going to university and coming back home, waiting until the weekend comes along to have a bit of fun.

But recently those weekends have turned into a bland form of amusement rather than a break from all the clutter of my daily life. Dinners and lunches with friends have lost their taste; clubbing and parties have turned into large crowded rooms pumping with music and have lost their color; movie nights at friends houses have become dry and resemble an antique store whose once magnificent pieces of art are now on display and lackluster. It seems as though the Gods have forsaken me, and all along the way I forgot to ask the fundamental question…why?

It’s not like anyone is to blame here, it’s not like me, my friends or my family have done anything wrong. It just seems as though every day that passes brings me closer to that one dreaded idea, bringing with it the tasteless, black and white, lackluster feeling that comes with a huge change in one’s life. Who knew growing older would be like losing an arm?

I’ve been told countless times about how when you graduate university, when you grow up, find a job, everything changes, things look up, it is the first day of the rest of your life. Then why is it I feel so lost? Why is it that I’m so afraid of what lies ahead. I feel like that kid at the mall crying his eyes out because he lost his mommy and no matter how many people ask him “what’s wrong little guy? Let me help you find your mommy”, he still feels the need to cry his eyes out.

I guess knowing that I’m growing older, and that things will change starts a shiver down my spine. A kind of fear is telling me that things will get harder, telling me that sooner or later I have to face reality, telling me that lunches, dinners, clubbing, gatherings, and movie nights might stop becoming a frequent thing in my life or even worse never happen again Who knows what comes next for me?

In all truth, as scary and as exciting as growing up may seem to be, maybe there will have to come a time where I must accept it, embrace it, and find it in myself to be strong and take the plunge into the abyss – frankly because I don’t have a choice. Growing up is scary but in the end, as the song goes, what will be will be. Who knows what the future has in store for me.

Khalil Dagher is a regional intern at the World Youth Alliance Middle East.